who's blessing you?

Truth moment: I've had trouble this year getting into the Christmas spirit.  

It may have been that I spent 3 weeks in November visiting orphanages and seeing the basic needs of so many go unmet. The day I came home I went to the mall and ended up crying in the food court. We’ve got it all wrong, was all I could think as I watched people scurry from store to store searching for what they wanted.  I am not generally a crier and was pretty much appalled at myself.  I haven’t been back since.  

I usually love Christmastime because it’s so warm and cozy.  I love snuggling up to loved ones, eating good food, and enjoying life.  The idea that Christmas is excessive is certainly not a new one, but this year I couldn’t quite get comfortable.  I’ve been thinking about the orphans I met a few weeks ago, and wondering what Christmas will be like for them this year.  I’ve been asking God why He is breaking my heart in this way, and what He may be trying to tell me this Christmas. 

He's been telling me about John the Baptist-- how the Christmas story begins with him, and how speaking truth is not a popular message.  He's revealed to me the gentleness of Mary-- the wonder of a heart bent to serve God alone, no matter what society thinks.  

Maybe the best thing God’s been telling me is about blessedness.  It’s easy for me to look around at my loving family, delicious food, and mountains of presents, and see it as God’s gift to me for not doing anything too terrible this year.  I start to believe my comfort is God’s blessing.

But I've been feeling a little funny when people ask me what I want for Christmas and I can’t think of a single thing I need.  Directly after the Christmas story, the Bible tells me that if I have two shirts, I should give one away.  I look at my closet and start to get a little fearful.  I can rationalize and context the command all day, but if I’m honest, it scares me.  I wonder what God thinks about our tradition of giving gifts to celebrate the day He entered the world?

This got me thinking.  I love telling people how much God has blessed me.  He’s given me great family, friends, job, house, car, and even a cute little dog.  I’m never hungry and I don’t need anything.  I’m quite comfortable.  But is that God's desire for me?  The Bible says “Blessed are the brokenhearted” and that it's hard for the rich to see the Kingdom of God.  What then, does that make me?

Christmastime seems to rip open the wounds of the brokenhearted and throw salt on them.  These are the people we feel sorry for this time of year.  The ones who are alone, the ones who are hungry, the ones without gifts.  But yet, these are the people God is drawing near to this Christmas-- not those who are sitting comfortably and in need of nothing. 

Do you see it?  So many of us have cushioned ourselves to the point that we don’t need God.  I’m beginning to thank God for my broken heart, because He is the one who gives me comfort.  He let’s me fellowship with Him when I draw near to Him.

I see blessedness differently now.  No longer do I want to naively believe that comfort and easy life are the ultimate blessing.  Being blessed means having fellowship with God.  Whatever allows me to be near to Him is what I desire most.

I pray this Christmas that your blessings have come from God, and not from what the world has to offer.  If your heart has broken this Christmas, remember that the God of the universe humbled Himself enough to enter this world in the most lowly of circumstances, just so that you can know Him.  Draw near to Him-- He will comfort you and you will be blessed.

a birthday worth remembering.

When I was in Monterrey, I met a couple that I won’t soon forget.  Tommy and Lauren sponsor a girl named Yari through Back2Back's Child Sponsorship Program.  Tommy surprised Lauren on her birthday with a trip to Monterrey so they could be at Yari’s Quincenera (15^th Birthday) party.  Quincenera’s in Mexico mark a girl transitioning to an adult, and usually rival a wedding in size and grandeur.  Tommy and Lauren knew the importance of being there for Yari, and decided it was worth more than any gift he could get her.  They flew in a day early to help decorate and make sure each detail was in place.  They bought flowers and paid to have her hair done.  They were overjoyed to be apart of her big day.

I wish I could put into words what I saw as I sat at a table in the back and watched the evening unfold.  It was beautiful in the most other-worldly way.  The look of surprise when Yari realized they had come for her.  Seeing Tommy and Lauren stand in the gap where this world failed Yari.  Watching a girl become a woman.  

In the midst of it, God spoke His truth over me.  “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10).  In Christ alone we have hope for a full life.  And because of Him, Yari had a birthday worth remembering.

The love that Tommy and Lauren have for Yari is from God the Father.  He has compelled them to love her the way He does.  It is Heavenly in nature, and nothing short of a miracle.  It’s no wonder that it shines bright in a dark world.  It’s not from here. 

That’s what I love about God.  The things of Him don’t make any sense in this world. Yet He’s not so big that He won’t reach down and enter in.  He puts His own Spirit inside us, making us foreigners in this land.  He allows us to have fellowship with Him.  What kind of God does that?

As you watch the video below, remember that what you are watching was God’s idea.  He dreamed it up.  It was His gift to His children.  It reminds me of a wedding feast that awaits all who remain faithful.  I hope you’re as excited for it as I am.

Tommy, Lauren and Yari Video

a confession.

I’m embarrassed at how easily I doubt God.  Pride tells me not to admit to it, but the truth is, this isn’t my first rodeo with pride either.

God is so good to us because He knows we are prone to forgetfulness and doubt.  He doesn’t get mad—instead He teaches us how to trust Him.  He tells us to remember the times He is faithful—to set up a reminder and to talk about it.  He doesn’t want us to live our lives worrying.  In fact, a variation of “fear not” is the most common phrase in the Bible.  God knows His people (He’s the one who made us afterall), and He knows the ways we struggle.  In the Old Testament, He told the Israelites over and over to talk about how He delivered them from slavery, and of the miracles He performed.  He wanted them to remember—not for His benefit, but for theirs.

I’m trying to make a habit of writing down the ways God is faithful.  I want to remember them in times of trouble, and when it seems He may not continue being faithful.  God isn’t an equation, and I can’t quite put Him in any box (no matter how big I try to make it).  He still requires I keep on believing Him.  It’s not an “I believed Him once, therefore I can move on.”  He wants me to go on believing Him.  We’re called to live lives of faith.

The faithfulness of His provision continues to be one that catches me by surprise.  If you’ve read my past blogs, I wrote once about how God came through with a monetary number that I needed in my support raising journey.  He came in right on target, exactly when I needed it.  It was difficult to ignore His hand in it all.

Yet as my second goal approached, I tended towards forgetfulness of His faithfulness.  I worried, I tried to come up with back-up plans, and frankly, I wasted my time.  Worrying is so engrained into my subconscious that when I chose to trust God and not worry—I felt guilty.  As if I were being careless by not worrying up a solution.  Anyone with me on that?  The lies of the enemy can find me on either side of the fence.

It shouldn’t come as a shock to you (although, it did to me), that God was faithful again.  My goal for financial support was 75% by October 31^st.  November 1^st, the calculations were in at 50.6% pledged in monthly support, 24.3% in special gifts.  The “coincidence” lie gets very quiet when numbers like that show up.

I tell you this to remind you: GOD IS FAITHFUL.  When it seems like He is, or when it seems like He isn’t—He is.  Remember His faithfulness when times are hard.  And talk about His faithfulness when He is.

“And those twelve stones, which they took out of the Jordan, Joshua set up at Gilgal. And he said to the people of Israel, “When your children ask their fathers in times to come, ‘What do these stones mean?’ then you shall let your children know, ‘Israel passed over this Jordan on dry ground.’ For the Lord your God dried up the waters of the Jordan for you until you passed over, as the Lord your God did to the Red Sea, which he dried up for us until we passed over, so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the Lord is mighty, that you may fear the Lord your God forever.”  Joshua 4:21-24

my first broken heart.

I had a difficult phone call to make this week to a girl named Rebecca whose sponsor child recently left the orphanage to live with his mom.  I knew she had a deep connection with Jose, and it wouldn't be easy to break the news to her.  I explained the situation and heard her voice catch as she held back tears.  I’ve had this conversation before, and my knee-jerk reaction was to explain that children do categorically better when raised with a family member rather than in an institution.  But it didn’t feel right.  This was a young girl who just realized she would never see her little boy again.  Statistics were not what she needed.

Instead I asked her, “Did you know I was just 14 when I took my first mission trip with Back2Back?”

There was a pause on the other end as she undoubtedly wondered what that had to do with Jose. “No,” she answered kindly.

“I was about your age, and on the first day there I met a very sad three-year-old girl named Karla.  Her mom had recently left her and her infant sister at the orphanage.  I had never seen a sullen three-year-old until then.  She didn’t smile, or laugh, or play, the way most three-year-olds do.  The first day, she clung to me.  When I came back the next day, I saw her smile for the first time as I came over and picked her up.  I spent the next week holding her, telling her how special she was, and how much I loved her.

“I went home and my world was changed.  I did everything in my power to get back to Karla.  I held a rummage sale, raised money, and joined a church I was not a member of on a mission trip a few months later.  The first thing I did when I got back to the orphanage was look for Karla.  I wanted her to know I hadn’t forgotten her.  I didn’t want to be another person who let her down.

“I looked all over-- in her dorm room, the playground, the kitchen, the classroom.  Karla wasn’t in any of those places.  In my broken Spanish I asked the staff about her.  They told me her mom had come back for her.  She was gone.

“I still pray for Karla.  She’s 17 now.  I wonder where she is, what kind of girl she became, if she knows she’s special.  I spent just one week with her, but my life was never the same.”

I stopped there.  I wasn’t sure if my story would be a comfort, or if she would rather I just let her off the phone.

“Thank you,” she said quietly. “I bet Karla is a great girl.”

“I think so too.  If you would like to write Jose one last letter, I can try to get it to him and his mom.  We know where they are staying.”

A couple days later I got her letter to Jose.  I peeked to read her sweet words telling him his picture is hung up in her locker, that he is special, and she will never stop praying for him.  I thought of Karla’s picture on my desk at home, and smiled to think of how God will use a heart like Rebecca’s. 

I don’t understand why things happen the way they do, or why God allows our hearts to break.  But I do know if we let Him, He won’t waste it.  He is the Great Healer and The One who can work all things to good.