true Living's a lot like dying.

I have a vivid memory from a few years ago of something the Lord spoke to me.  I was crying out to Him, begging Him to use me, telling Him I would do anything He wanted-- My only desire was to give Him glory.  He said something that surprised me and pretty much confirmed it was His voice, and not my own.

"Are you sure?" He asked. "You have never really sacrificed anything for Me."

I was stunned.  I quickly stopped praying and let His words penetrate my soul.  It stung-- but not in a cruel way.  I knew He was right.

If I'm honest, up until a few years ago, I didn't know what it meant to die to myself.  I had heard the phrase, but never knew it as true.  Sure, I had read Scripture that said "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me"-- But those just sounded like pretty words.  Symbolism at best.  I thought it meant knowing that Jesus died on the cross for my sins.  I didn't know it meant I would actually have to die-- That God would require I lay down my life for Him.  (After all, He did it for me.)

I look back on that day the Lord spoke to me and realize He was preparing me.  He's since asked me to sacrifice a lot-- Most of which were not easy to lay down.  A few He had to pry from my tight grip while I stomped my foot and cried about how unfair it seemed.  I've laid down relationships, the vision I had for my life, money, the need to be right, family, comfort, the desire to be liked.  In every corner of my self-seeking heart, God has asked me to change.  In place of my selfish ambition, He's taught me humility and made me a servant.  He's shown me how real love actually has very little to do with me and my selfish desires.  He's taught me how to speak the truth, even when it's hard.  He's shown me that true life is lived building His Kingdom, and not my own.

And it's felt like dying every step of the way.  

But there's good news. (Praise the Lord, right?!)  God doesn't leave us in death.  Do you know what happens when you submit to God and die to yourself?  He allows you to live the life He would be living if He were here in the flesh.  (Which happens to be infinitely better than any life you would live for yourself.)  Even better than that-- You have the opportunity to know Him.  You get to know His personality.  (He has one, in case you were wondering.)  He tells you about Himself-- The things He likes and dislikes, the things He's thinking, the things He's doing.  He makes His home in you.  He stays with you-- even when no one else will.  It's called fellowship, and it's the very best thing in the whole world.  It's worth dying for in every way.  Even if it were only for a moment with Him-- it'd be worth it. 

So I keep dying.  Whenever He asks me to.  Except now I do it a little bit faster-- because I know what it means.  I know that when I do, He'll be there.  In the low places.  In the lonely times.  In the uncomfortable surroundings.  He draws so near that I can close my eyes and see Him right in front of me-- gazing back at me.  Me, of all people, and the God of the universe.  Incredible.

He's worth dying for.  He's worth it all.  And then some.  (And then a lot more.)


"If you cling to your life, you will lose it, and if you let your life go, you will save it."  Luke 17:33