not my day.

Yesterday was not my day.  It started at 1:58 AM when my dog woke me up to pee.  I kept thinking if I lay real still she will think I am sleeping and will go back to bed.  She didn’t.  After letting her out, I was awake for the next two hours, thinking about all the things I need to get done.  When my alarm went off at 6:30 I made a cup of coffee and got back in bed to have quiet time with God.  Just as I was leaning over to grab my Bible, I spilled hot coffee all down my leg and in my bed. 

I prayed for peace on my way to work, but the day didn’t improve much.  The hardest part about working for a ministry is the limited resources available.  I know what is possible, but I can only do so much.  I found myself feeling jealous of ministries that have a much larger budget and seemingly infinite resources.  The fact that we are on the same team was the farthest thing from my mind.  Every obstacle I encountered that didn’t have an easy solution seemed to mean failure.  Wasn’t my desire to change the lives of orphans worthy of your blessing, God?

After work, I went to get my hair cut.  The hour appointment turned into four as the stylist seemed to want to comb and style each hair.  All I wanted to do was yell “Hurry up, it’s not that hard!”  I prayed for God to change my heart.

I walked to my car as the sun was going down and drove home to discover my laptop missing from my bag.  “It must have gotten stolen from the empty parking lot because I was at the salon so long.”  I slumped down on my kitchen floor and felt defeated.  “Please Lord, not this,” was all I could pray.  My mind raced with the work documents that were only on my computer, and the passwords saved on my desktop that accessed my bank accounts, emails, and work database housing all our confidential information.  I went to change all my passwords from my roommates computer but discovered our internet wasn’t working.  I decided to call my co-worker to see if I had forgotten my computer at work, before calling the police to file a report.  She answered and told me I had left it on my desk.  I wanted to kiss her.  

As I was putting my clean, wrinkled sheets back on my bed, my mind raced with all the ways the day had gone wrong.  I couldn’t help but ask, “God, what was that today?”   

Suddenly I remembered.  The sunrise on my way to work that broke through the clouds perfectly while a song of God’s glory played on the radio.  The staff meeting where I was moved to tears over the impact our ministry is having on children around the world.  My co-workers who care enough about my life to ask how I am really doing (and notice when I forget my computer).  The incredible growth of Back2Back despite limited resources.  The conversation with a slow moving hair stylist to talk about her dreams in life.  The sunset that flooded my view all the way home.  My roommate who was determined to come with me to look for my computer.  My inability to change all my passwords before discovering I didn’t need to.  The insight of my need to have a plan if my computer ever were to disappear.  Clean sheets to smell as I fall asleep.

The best realization is that, without God, I wouldn't have found meaning in any of it.  It would have simply been a bad day.  But seeing God’s hand in my life, I know that I am not alone.  It’s never “just a bad day” and it's never a lost cause.  Life isn’t picture perfect and it doesn’t run smoothly.  God doesn’t need perfect circumstances to work in my life.  He doesn’t need unlimited resources to changes the lives of hundreds of orphans.  Back2Back doesn't need to be like any ministry other than the one it is.  And neither do I.  I just need to trust God and walk with Him.