waiting for God.

I’m in a season of hearing God tell me to wait on Him.  For a person who likes things to be “right”, this is a hard command-- trusting an unseen God in the face of real life questions, and feeling as if I am doing nothing to fix them. 

As I drove to the post office this morning in a car that I feel needs to be sold, the engine sputtered for a moment, and I couldn’t help but cry out, “Do you see me??  Do you care?  How am I supposed to wait on You for a car when mine is acting like this?”  It felt like the cherry on my “wait for God” sundae, and I wasn’t in the mood.

When I got to the post office, I got in line behind an older gentleman who kept turning around to look at me.  I smiled in what I hoped was an “I’m a nice person, but I’m not in the mood to chat” kind of way, and looked away.  No dice.

“I promised myself 60 years ago when I left the Navy that I would never stand in line for anything ever again,” he began.

Great, someone who can teach me patience.  “How’s that been working out for you?” was all I could think to say.

“I once told a man who cut in line at the post office that I would do to him what I did to the last SOB that tried to cut in front of me.  You should’ve seen the look on his face.  I bet that was the last time he tried something like that,” he continued.

Probably not, I thought, but responded, “Maybe.”  I shifted the awkward size package I was carrying to my other hip and wondered, Why in the world did you put me in line behind this guy, Lord?

“Would you like me to carry that for you up to the counter?” he asked me gently.

Suddenly I heard God whisper in a scream, I CARE.

My heart softened.  Not only did God see me, He cared enough to see the box I was carrying was heavy.  How much more did He see the other heavy things I was carrying?

In the midst of being told to wait on God, I realize how important it is to know that God has a providential plan.  I am trying to make a habit of remembering the characteristics of God that satan is trying to discredit.  God hasn't answered many of the questions I'm currently asking, but that doesn't mean He hasn't been answering prayer... 

There’s a girl who lives at Casa Hogar Douglas named Daniela who was diagnosed last month with Guillain-Barre Syndrome, a condition characterized by rapid onset paralysis.  For a few weeks all we could do was pray and hope that the paralysis would be reversed.  As the medical expenses mounted, and the realization set in that she would need a full time nurse to care for her once she was discharged from the hospital, it was easy to doubt God’s plan.  "Problem Solving Tallie" began to creep in and I was tempted to come up with man-made solutions for God-sized problems.  Thankfully, while God is rarely early, He is never late.  In the midst of the growing expenses, a check came in the mail in honor of a sponsor at Casa Hogar Douglas, and was designated for “Medical Purposes”.  The generous supporter had no idea what the home was dealing with, and how timely their gift was.  But God did.

And that part of the story doesn't even touch on the fact that the paralysis is reversing.  Daniela is expected to make a full recovery.  God cares. 

I say this as a reminder mostly to myself, but hopefully to anyone who reads this as well.  God sees the little and the big things in our lives.  He is working them out, and if we wait for Him, He will give us His solutions.  Will you settle for what you can come up with on your own, or will you wait on God? 

"It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak.  We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea.  We are far too easily pleased."  C.S. Lewis

who's blessing you?

Truth moment: I've had trouble this year getting into the Christmas spirit.  

It may have been that I spent 3 weeks in November visiting orphanages and seeing the basic needs of so many go unmet. The day I came home I went to the mall and ended up crying in the food court. We’ve got it all wrong, was all I could think as I watched people scurry from store to store searching for what they wanted.  I am not generally a crier and was pretty much appalled at myself.  I haven’t been back since.  

I usually love Christmastime because it’s so warm and cozy.  I love snuggling up to loved ones, eating good food, and enjoying life.  The idea that Christmas is excessive is certainly not a new one, but this year I couldn’t quite get comfortable.  I’ve been thinking about the orphans I met a few weeks ago, and wondering what Christmas will be like for them this year.  I’ve been asking God why He is breaking my heart in this way, and what He may be trying to tell me this Christmas. 

He's been telling me about John the Baptist-- how the Christmas story begins with him, and how speaking truth is not a popular message.  He's revealed to me the gentleness of Mary-- the wonder of a heart bent to serve God alone, no matter what society thinks.  

Maybe the best thing God’s been telling me is about blessedness.  It’s easy for me to look around at my loving family, delicious food, and mountains of presents, and see it as God’s gift to me for not doing anything too terrible this year.  I start to believe my comfort is God’s blessing.

But I've been feeling a little funny when people ask me what I want for Christmas and I can’t think of a single thing I need.  Directly after the Christmas story, the Bible tells me that if I have two shirts, I should give one away.  I look at my closet and start to get a little fearful.  I can rationalize and context the command all day, but if I’m honest, it scares me.  I wonder what God thinks about our tradition of giving gifts to celebrate the day He entered the world?

This got me thinking.  I love telling people how much God has blessed me.  He’s given me great family, friends, job, house, car, and even a cute little dog.  I’m never hungry and I don’t need anything.  I’m quite comfortable.  But is that God's desire for me?  The Bible says “Blessed are the brokenhearted” and that it's hard for the rich to see the Kingdom of God.  What then, does that make me?

Christmastime seems to rip open the wounds of the brokenhearted and throw salt on them.  These are the people we feel sorry for this time of year.  The ones who are alone, the ones who are hungry, the ones without gifts.  But yet, these are the people God is drawing near to this Christmas-- not those who are sitting comfortably and in need of nothing. 

Do you see it?  So many of us have cushioned ourselves to the point that we don’t need God.  I’m beginning to thank God for my broken heart, because He is the one who gives me comfort.  He let’s me fellowship with Him when I draw near to Him.

I see blessedness differently now.  No longer do I want to naively believe that comfort and easy life are the ultimate blessing.  Being blessed means having fellowship with God.  Whatever allows me to be near to Him is what I desire most.

I pray this Christmas that your blessings have come from God, and not from what the world has to offer.  If your heart has broken this Christmas, remember that the God of the universe humbled Himself enough to enter this world in the most lowly of circumstances, just so that you can know Him.  Draw near to Him-- He will comfort you and you will be blessed.

a birthday worth remembering.

When I was in Monterrey, I met a couple that I won’t soon forget.  Tommy and Lauren sponsor a girl named Yari through Back2Back's Child Sponsorship Program.  Tommy surprised Lauren on her birthday with a trip to Monterrey so they could be at Yari’s Quincenera (15^th Birthday) party.  Quincenera’s in Mexico mark a girl transitioning to an adult, and usually rival a wedding in size and grandeur.  Tommy and Lauren knew the importance of being there for Yari, and decided it was worth more than any gift he could get her.  They flew in a day early to help decorate and make sure each detail was in place.  They bought flowers and paid to have her hair done.  They were overjoyed to be apart of her big day.

I wish I could put into words what I saw as I sat at a table in the back and watched the evening unfold.  It was beautiful in the most other-worldly way.  The look of surprise when Yari realized they had come for her.  Seeing Tommy and Lauren stand in the gap where this world failed Yari.  Watching a girl become a woman.  

In the midst of it, God spoke His truth over me.  “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10).  In Christ alone we have hope for a full life.  And because of Him, Yari had a birthday worth remembering.

The love that Tommy and Lauren have for Yari is from God the Father.  He has compelled them to love her the way He does.  It is Heavenly in nature, and nothing short of a miracle.  It’s no wonder that it shines bright in a dark world.  It’s not from here. 

That’s what I love about God.  The things of Him don’t make any sense in this world. Yet He’s not so big that He won’t reach down and enter in.  He puts His own Spirit inside us, making us foreigners in this land.  He allows us to have fellowship with Him.  What kind of God does that?

As you watch the video below, remember that what you are watching was God’s idea.  He dreamed it up.  It was His gift to His children.  It reminds me of a wedding feast that awaits all who remain faithful.  I hope you’re as excited for it as I am.

Tommy, Lauren and Yari Video